FFXIV-Humor (engl.)

  • General Jokes
    Why is the Final Fantasy players car always broken down?
    Because they can't deal with mechanics!

    What do you call the Immortal Flames after they lose a battle?
    The Immortal Lames

    Jobs

    Summoners
    What does Titan-igi want to be when it grows up?
    A Rock Star.

    Why do people dislike summoners?
    They [Ruin] everything.
    And if you still would invite a summoner,
    letting him [ruin] everything is still better than having a [tri-disaster].

    What does the Egi say to the bad summoner?
    You make me [Sic].

    Scholars
    Why are Scholars so boring at parties?
    Because they do everything by the book.

    What do you get when you cross a Scholar with a Monk?
    A [succor] punch.

    White Mages
    What type of shoes do White Mages prefer?
    Heals.

    Bards
    Your bards keeping messing up on Titan?
    Sounds like you're stuck between a rock and a bard place.

    Dragoons
    What do you call a Dragoon fighting Titan?
    Dead.

    There once was a dragoon from Ul'dah
    Who couldn't steer clear of the boulda'.
    Titan gave him a lift, sent him over the cliff.
    Guess it's time to do that battle ova'.

    What is Aurum Vale with two dragoons?
    30 minutes of penalty.

    Why does the red cross frown when dragoons show up to donate blood?
    Cause most dragoons want [blood for blood].

    What's a dragoon favorite video game?
    Pole position.

    Why was the dragoon fired from Pixar?
    Animation-lock.

    What's a dragoons favorite TV network?
    Spike

    Paladins
    Why was the tank arrested?
    For [Flash]ing in public!

    What do you call a FATE overrun by Paladins?
    A [Flash] mob.

    What is a Paladin's favourite movie?
    The [Spirits Within].

    Monk
    The MNK must be a really bad gambler...
    he kept losing stacks...

    Warriors
    Why don't women like Warriors in their bed?
    They run out of TP quickly and their inner beast only lasts 6 seconds.

    Grinding out the Warrior mount was unBearable.
    I'm not kidding, it was truly Grizzly!

    What did the berserked Marauder say when he got his Soulstone?
    "This means WAR."

    Astrologians
    Why do Astrologians always know what Yugiri is thinking?
    They're good at reading Au Ras.

    Ninjas
    What is a Ninja's favorite number?
    [Ten].
    What is a Ninja's favorite drink?
    [Jin] and tonic.
    What is a Ninja's favorite restaurant?
    [Chi]-[chi]'s.

    A Ninja is never late.
    They always arrive [Raiton] time.

    How do Ninjas take their tea?
    [Suiton]'d

    Bosses

    Odin
    Why don't the other primals invite Odin to their slumber party?
    They don't want to Sleipnir him.

    Titan
    The primals held an election to see who was the best primal of them all.
    Titan won with a [Landslide] victory.

    What's the hardest part about Titan HM?
    Managing the 7 adds.

    What's Titan's favourite time of year?
    Fall.



    Why did Titan stop looking for love?
    His heart has been broken too many times.



    Xande (Syrcus Tower)
    What's Xande's favourite type of party?
    [BURNING RAVE]!

    Ifrit
    What did Ifrit say after the party wiped?
    "[Nail]ed it!"

    Twintania (Turn 5)
    What's Twintania's favorite party game?
    [Twister]

    What's Twintania's favorite movie?
    [Twister]

    Imdugud (Turn 10)
    What did the boss of turn 10 say to the inexperienced raid party?
    Imdugud.

    Races

    Hyur
    What did the raid leader tell the Hyur Dragoon with terrible DPS?
    "Hyur-dragoon-us down!"

    Lalafells
    What do you call a Lalafell psychic wanted by the guards in Uldah?
    A small medium at large.

    What's the difference between a Lalafell and a Rolanberry Pie?
    The pie doesn't scream when baked in the oven.

    What did the Lalafell tell the debt collector?
    Sorry, I'm a little short.

    What do you call a Lalafell stoner?
    A baked potato.

    Miqo'tes
    What do you have if you bury a Miqo'te up to its neck in sand?
    Not enough sand.

    Roegadyns
    In a battle of wits, never fight a Roegadyn.
    It's dishonorable to fight an unarmed opponent, after all.

    A Roegadyn can count up to ten,
    assuming they have all of their fingers left.

    Give a Roegadyn a fish and he'll eat for a day,
    Teach a Roegadyn how to fish and you'll have to teach him everyday.

    Misc. Races

    What do Lalafel call Elezans?
    Ladders.
    What do Elezans call Lalafels?
    Stools

    Moogles

    What do Moogles use when they go shopping?
    Kupons.

    --
    "Please, Father, cease your undulations at once!" (Hildibrand Helidor Maximilian Manderville)

  • What do you call a chubby Lalafell?
    Low fat.

    What gesture does a Lalafell use to say hello?
    A micro-wave.

    Where do Lalafell go to drink?
    The mini-bar!

    Why are Lalafell such nice players?
    Because they don't look down on people!

    What do you call a male Lala?
    A lalafella.

    Why did the Sahagin cross the waves?
    To get to the other tide.

    Why couldn't the white mage use AoE heals after the tank died once?
    His [Medica] license was revoked for malpractice!
    (Anm.: engl. [Medica] ist auf deutsch [Reseda], und das deutsche [Medica] heißt auf englisch [Esuna])

    Why did the Paladin commit perjury?
    He told a lie when under [Sword Oath]. He thought he was under [Shield Oath].

    Why did Ifrit go to the salon?
    To get his [Nails] done.

    Why are Pugilist jokes so funny?
    They have a strong punchline.
    (Anm.: Pugilist == dt. Faustkämpfer)

    What do you call a group that only wants a Ninja?
    [Goad]-diggers.
    (Anm.: en. [Goad] == dt. [Dampf machen])

    How did the villains find the Scions?
    Echo-location.
    (Anm.: en. "Echo" == dt. "Kraft der Transzendenz")

    What do you call the culinarian's LB?
    Limit Bake.

    Who's Diabolos's favorite band?
    The Doors.

    Why do Monks prefer the McDonald's Kids Meal?
    Because they can never finish the Triple Stack.

    I don't know man, most FFXIV jokes are pretty bard.

    --
    "Please, Father, cease your undulations at once!" (Hildibrand Helidor Maximilian Manderville)

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